Tuesday, September 07, 2010
“Nobody noticed if he was good looking. When Francisco d'Anconia entered a room, it was simply impossible to look at anyone else. He had a name that wiped out all others when people saw it.”That’s my favorite scene from
Atlas Shrugged.
Why?
It’s about intrigue.
It’s about fascination.
It’s about interestingness.
IN SHORT: It’s about being an object of interest in the minds of the people who matter.
Is that the way people describe you?
Is that the way people describe your brand?
Is that the way people describe your organization?
If not, try this:
1. Autobiography is irresistible. Since day one, you’ve been beaten over the head with the same three words: Know your customer, know your customer and know your customer. Which is great and all, but here’s the real question:
How well do your customers know you?
Answer: Not enough. And they need to know who you are, where you are and why you are. That’s what matters. Because if trust is a function of self-disclosure (which it is), and if trust is the only currency that counts (which it is) – if they don’t know you, you lose.
No need to run around the office naked. But do find a way to give people a snapshot. A glimpse into that which the world cannot usually see. By enticing their visual appetite by dangling the carrot of fascination in front of their nose, your interestingness will skyrocket. Is the bio page on your website worth showing to a friend?
2. Detail creates a vortex of interest. Adam Durtiz, in my opinion, is the most devastating lyricist in modern music. After fifteen years of listening to Counting Crows, his style has served as a barometer for my own. And as a write, I constantly ask myself:
“Does this sentence use the detail of Duritz?”
If not, I replace mundane, lifeless words with smarter, muscular, more specific words. This makes the piece more readable and interesting. Plus, it satisfies the advice given by Kurt Vonnegut, who once said, “If you want to write a bestseller, be a great date for your reader.”
What about you? Are the details of your life interesting enough to make it through dinner? Or would your date fake a cell phone call from her roommate just to get out of listening to you? That’s the power of detail. Be specific or be ignored. Are you worth writing home about?
3. Monstrously human means monumentally noticeable. Reality television is popular for two reasons. First, it’s incredibly cheap to make. That’s what happens when you stop casting actors and start using citizens. Secondly, the human factor is off the charts. This makes it easier for viewers to see themselves reflected in the people on the screen.
Now, odds are, you won’t be staring in your own reality show anytime soon. But that doesn’t mean you can’t invite people for a leisurely swim in your massive sea of humanity. I’m not promoting rampant narcissism, inflated self-importance or a violation of personal privacy.
Rather, I’m suggesting you sack up and show more of true self to world. Your audience doesn’t just expect it – they demand it. Give the people what they want. Take them behind the scenes.
When they see that what you do on a daily basis speaks straight to the heart of the human experience, it will be hard (not) to pay attention. Turn yourself into a walking mirror. How are you fully integrating your humanity into your profession?
4. Depth is the greatest of heights. Think about the last person you stalked. Oh whatever. Don’t tell me you’ve never gone to a guy’s Facebook page (two hours before meeting him in person) and carefully scrutinized each of the three hundred pictures in his photo album.
Don’t act like you’ve never spent your entire lunch hour googling the woman you were going on a date with later that week. Everybody does it. Admit it: We’re all a bunch of stalkers.
But, there’s a valuable lesson to be learned: Nobody stalks boring people. The more depth you have offline, the more interesting you become online. And as long as stalkers keep it in their pants and don’t cross any dangerous lines, I say: Stalk away. It’s a high compliment.
In fact, I once went on a date with a woman whose mother spent four hours Googling me just to decide whether or not she approved of her daughter dating me. Turns out she didn’t. Apparently men who “wear nametags everyday” and "build hotel room forts in the Rosemont Days Inn" are “weird” and “should never be trusted.”
Whatever. That chick looked like Ron Howard’s brother anyway.
The point is: Don’t be a flat person. Create a persona worth looking at and listening to. One-dimensional people are about as fascinating as a tube of denture glue. Are you worth stalking?
5. Demand an explanation. As a lifelong writer, science has been never my forte. And yet, I see physics as the most interesting subject on the planet. Imagine: You’re either dealing with numbers too big to imagine or too small to comprehend. Life doesn’t get more fascinating than that.
And that’s the lesson: When you become the kind of person for whom onlookers demand an explanation, people can’t help but wait with baited breath.
Like my mentor, Bill. The reason he’s such an object of interest is because you’re always curious what his next move will be. What about you? How do you create a sense of anticipation in everything you do? Answer those questions and you’ll attract the eyeballs that matter. What questions are people asking about you?
6. Suspend disbelief for as long as possible. When I tell people that I made a career out of wearing a nametag, they either think I’m a liar, a lunatic – or both. What’s interesting is that the less people believe me, the more questions they ask.
They simply can’t help themselves. Human beings are inherently curious beings. And part of their nature is to reduce uncertainty whenever possible. It helps people preserve their sense of control.
The irony is, when you suspend disbelief and become the object of interest, you have the control. Which means you have the power. Will you use yours for good or evil?
7. Reveal the record of your origins. I love old trees. They never fail to be objects of interest because their rings, branches, roots and bark always take me back in time. Your challenge is to do the same. To give people a ride on the wayback machine.
For example, I used to work in a furniture store in Portland that covered their walls with black and white photos, newspaper clippings, decade-old advertisements and antiquated business cards. People would come to the store just to look at the walls. No wonder they did twelve million a year. Ask yourself:
What artifacts could you use on your website, in your office or at your store to personify your humble beginnings?
Remember: Customers love this stuff. Artifacts lend personality to your surroundings, humanize your organization and build the fascination and intrigue of your brand. Are the relics of your origins collecting dust or compelling eyeballs?
8. Never underestimate the intrigue of honesty. That’s the interesting thing about telling the truth: It’s so rare that it’s become remarkable. No wonder nobody watches television anymore – they’re tired of being lied to.
Maybe that’s the secret. Maybe being an object of interest is as simple as not bullshitting people. It certainly worked for Scott Adams. His philosophy, according to The Dilbert Future, is to be completely honest where most people would say nothing. He’s done that for twenty years and become one of the most successful cartoonists in history. What would happen if you branded your honesty?
9. Be a synthesizer. This is, by far, my favorite musical instrument. And you don’t have to be a big fan of electronic music to admit: They’re pretty damn interesting. Probably because they create sound combinations that are outlets for emotions and feelings that can’t be adequately articulated in plain language.
Now, as an individual, your challenge is to do the same: To be a synthesizer. That’s one thing all objects of interest have in common. Take Henry Rollins, for example. The reason big audiences pay big money to sit for three hours at a time – just to hear him talk – is not an accident.
They do so because the composite of his synthesized experiences as a punk rocker, author, world traveler, political activist and television/radio host make him so compelling that his audiences demand to hear more immediately. No wonder he’s done over one hundred talking shows worldwide, every year, since the nineties.
Even Rollins admitted this himself in an interview with The Independent Film Channel: “My goal is to be completely interesting, take whatever intellect I’ve accumulated and come out hard from the gate every night.”
Remember: Be anything but monotone. Remain a consummate adventurer and you’ll remain a competitive animal. What are you synthesizing?
10. Firm up your faculty of self-expression. I watch a lot of documentaries. Mainly about artists, writers and actors. And in my experience, the reason these movies are so interesting is because the featured individuals are masters of self-expression. They create highly visual experiences with their work.
Lesson learned: If you want to become an object of interest, you have to express yourself. Period. It doesn’t matter how you do it – only that you do it. And it doesn’t matter if it’s good – on that you’re willing to share it with the world.
The hard part is, sometimes the theater of the mind is better. I know. Sometimes you’d rather keep your art to yourself. But if you truly want to arrest the interest of masses, you’ve got to expose (at least) some of it to the eyes of the world.
Remember: Art, as Edward Debono once said, is the choreography of attention. How much of it will your self-expression earn?
Ultimately, becoming an object of interest isn’t something that happens overnight.
It’s the result of a life lived fully, actively and creativity.
Remember that, and next time you walk into a room, it will be impossible to look at anybody else.
LET ME ASK YA THIS…
Are you an object of interest?
LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
For the list called, “15 Ways to Out Learn Your Competitors," send an email to me, and you win the list for free!
* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author, Speaker, Entrepreneur, Mentor
scott@hellomynameisscott.com
Never the same speech twice.
Always about approachability.
Watch The Nametag Guy in action here!Labels: approachability, approachable, make a name for yourself, nametagscott, object of interest, scott ginsberg
[Read the Full Post...]
Friday, September 03, 2010
Occasionally, people will walk up to me and rip off my nametag.
This used to upset me.
I thought it was rude, invasive and disrespectful.
But after a few years, I got over it. Plus I got over myself. And I realized that people were just having fun. No need to cause a scene.
Besides, I have twenty pre-written nametags in my wallet at all times.
Not to mention a tattoo on my chest.
LESSON LEARNED: People can rip off your tag, but they can never steal your truth.
What about you? Are you prepared to walk your truth in a world of (mostly) fiction?Here’s a collection of practices to you stay unquestionably committed to yourself:
1. Committing to yourself is not a selfish act. That’s the first realization that needs to settle in: That you deserve to walk your truth. That you’re worth it to be honest to. It’s not selfish.
In fact, it’s the exact opposite. After all, you can’t commit to others if you haven’t first committed to yourself. Don’t worry: You’ll still have time to support the people who matter.
And yes, there will be plenty of times when your job – as a leader, as a parent, as a professional – demands that you take a back seat to others. Cool. Good call.
Just remember: The longer you go without putting your own name on your list, the harder it will be (and the guiltier you will feel) when you eventually try to take time for yourself. Think of it as a form of tithing.
As Myrtle Barringer wrote in her widely popular article, Putting Yourself First Without the Baggage of Guilt:
“Having the time to nourish and take care of ourselves has a tendency to take a back seat to all the other responsibilities we juggle. We naturally want to serve and be available to those we love. However, it often leaves us drained, tired and sometimes sick when we don’t stop to recharge our own battery.”
Who knows? Maybe walking your truth is as simple as taking a walk by yourself. How high are you on your own list?
2. Stay away from editors. Unless you’re a professional writer, delete all editors from your life. You know the people I’m talking about:
The ones who constantly correct everything you do. The ones who relentlessly require you to adjust who you are to accommodate their selfish needs. The ones who incessantly ensure that you’re molded into their idealized version of a person.
Yeah. Those people. I call them editors. And if you’re not careful, they will yank you off the path of your truth and lead you down a dangerous cul-de-sac of dishonesty.
That’s why I love my family: After thirty years, they’ve never asked me to edit myself.
They know I’m crazy. They know I’m different. And they know that certain parts of who I am will never change. And they’re okay with that. Because they’re all the exact same way. Normality isn’t exactly a common branch in the Ginsberg family tree.
And likewise, I would never ask them to edit themselves either. That’s how we roll at my house. Are you surrounding yourself with people who don’t ask you to edit yourself?
3. Win the battle over terminal certainty. In a recent article in Oprah Magazine, Mike Robbins writes:
“When we focus on winning or being right, we no longer can access the deepest places within our heart, which is where our real truth comes from. When we let go of our attachment to the outcome of a conversation, what the other person thinks and our erroneous obsession with always having to be right, we give ourselves the opportunity to get real.”
Lesson learned: Be right less. Kick your addiction to terminal certainty. Develop a healthy predisposition to compromise by becoming flexible enough to bend when needed, but without compromising your foundation.
You’ll be walking your truth in no time. Are you focusing on being right or being real?
4. Attract others with equal commitment. There’s a reason that the world perks up and notices when you walk your truth: Because honesty is so rare, it’s become remarkable.
I’m reminded of Brett Dennen’s song, Because You Are a Woman: “The self sin and struggle crowd the sidewalk, parading pose with phones and paper cups. But you walk like truth to a world of fiction.”
This lyric inspired my official definition of honesty: “Honoring the truth, your truth and other people’s truth, while standing on the edge of yourself to salute others without the desire to change, fix or improve them.”
The cool part is, once you employ this philosophy in your daily life, other committed people don’t just notice you – they join you. And this is a good thing. Their unique commitment will both inspire and challenge your own, keeping your accountable to walking your truth when the world expects fiction. How committed are the five people you eat lunch with the most?
5. Behave as the most truthful representation of who you are. The big challenge of walking your truth is that nobody knows it better than you. Which means the only person who can truly tell when you’ve accidentally taken a detour, is you. Better learn how to kick your own ass.
A helpful question to ask yourself throughout your day is, “If I were me, what would I do?”
Yes, it sounds silly. And yes, most people will probably never, ever ask themselves this question. Too confrontational. But in my experience, with this kind of casual dissociation, you stand on the outside looking in. You take an objective stance on your own actions and thus, keep yourself accountable to yourself.
Even if all you do is raise a smidgen of awareness, you win. What question will you ask to stay on the path of self-honesty?
6. Play the music – don’t just show people the notes. Superficiality is bankruptcy. If you want to walk your truth, stay away from “superfluous exertions,” as Seneca wrote in Letters to a Stoic. Such endeavors do nothing but set your commitment back another thousand years.
Instead, find the unique song you were made to sing. And in the distinctive voice you were given to sing it with, belt that baby out with all your might.
If you do that on a daily basis in a respectful, remarkable and real way, the people won’t just take notice – they’ll take a number. And if you’re lucky, their wallets will open faster than a cheerleader on prom night. What is the music of your truth?
7. Exercise enhances honesty. In a 2006 article in Yoga Journal, editor Andrea Kowalski wrote:
“If you often feel that you need to censor yourself in conversation, you may be compromising your fifth chakra, the throat chakra. The gateway between the head and the heart, this energy center includes the neck, the shoulders, the mouth, and the thyroid and parathyroid glands. If the throat is in balance, you will feel comfortable speaking your truth to all people, in any situation.”
Now, whether or not you subscribe to the principles of yoga or Hinduism, there’s still a valuable lesson to be learned: You can’t walk your truth if you don’t work your body.
Doesn’t mean you need to start training for a marathon. But daily exercise accomplishes more than just conditioning your carcass – it’s also training your truth. Especially when you feel sore afterward.
That’s the best part: You feel alive, you feel strong and you know your body is talking to you. And your body will always tell you the truth. How many workouts did you get in last week?
8. Establish a practice. Emerson once said, “It is easy in the world to live after the world’s opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.”
My suggestion is to practice with distractions. To learn to remain calm in the midst of chaos. By doing so in smaller situations, you develop a deeper ability to walk your truth through the larger storm on the horizon.
For example, yoga class has been a blessing for me in this respect. I’ve become a master at practicing with distractions. Because in any given class, I’ll be confronted with parking lot car alarms, smelly people dripping their sweat on my matt, and of course, beautiful women – wearing almost nothing – bending at the waist directly in front of me.
Nice try, ladies. But I took my contacts out in the locker room, thank you very much.
If you can stay committed to your core during that distraction, you can pretty much do anything. What practice arena will train you to walk your truth when the road gets rocky?
REMEMBER: The primary battle is always within.
After all, if you don’t walk your truth in a world of mostly fiction, you don’t really own your life.
I challenge you to commit to yourself unquestionably. Who knows? Maybe one day somebody will try to rip your nametag off too.
And if they do, just give me a call.
I think I might have a few extra.
LET ME ASK YA THIS…
When you walk your truth, what kind of footprints do you leave?
LET ME SUGGEST THIS...
For the list called, "17 Ways to Out Create the Competition," send an email to me, and I'll send you the list for free!
* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author, Speaker, Entrepreneur, Mentor
scott@hellomynameisscott.com
Who's quoting YOU?
Check out Scott's Online Quotation Database for a bite-sized education on branding success!
www.stuffscottsaid.com.Labels: approachability, approachable, commit with both feet, commitment, communicate your commitment, consistency, nametagscott, scott ginsberg, walk your truth
[Read the Full Post...]
Thursday, September 02, 2010
Sometimes, it sucks being the youngest one in room.
And by “sometimes,” I mean, “every excruciating hour of your workday.”
Think about it:
Nobody takes you seriously.
The world refuses to listen to your voice.
And the people you work with are twice your age, have three times your knowledge and four times your experience.
What’s a kid to do?
Instead of going postal on your entire office with a semi-automatic machine gun (which isn’t as effective as it sounds, trust me) here’s a collection of strategies, practices and practical advice on making a name for yourself as a young professional:
1. Build a timeline of credibility. I started my career as a writer and speaker when I was twenty-two. That meant standing in front of hundreds (sometimes thousands) of complete strangers – who had no logical reason to take me seriously.
Think about it: No advanced degrees. No real work experience. No amazing story of overcoming adversity. Just some dorky guy, standing on stage, wearing a nametag. Would you take me seriously? Hell no. And that was my deficit position. That’s what I had working against me.
Except for one thing: I did write a book.
Now, it wasn’t the best book. It wasn’t the best-selling book. But it was a still a book. And considering the fact that most people in the world have a book inside of them – but never get it out – I found myself in a potentially advantageous position.
That’s why I went out of my way to make sure that every single person knew about the book immediately: I told them personally, I asked other people to tell them personally, sometimes I even gave five hundred copies of my book to the entire audience. I didn’t care. Whatever it took. These people were going to recognize whatever slice of credibility I could serve up within thirty seconds. Period.
The cool part is: You don’t need a book to do this. Execution is the great qualifier. Your challenge is to represent whatever measurable successes you’ve achieved in visible, tangible ways – then punch people in the face with it.
And not in an arrogant way. Focus on expressing yourself, not proving yourself, and people’s receptivity to your voice will rise. How will you reinforce your positive pattern of execution?
2. Consider the source. As a young professional, people you work with may use your age as a target. Some might downplay your contributions. Some might highlight your lack of experience. Some might reinforce your supposed intellectual deficiencies. And some might even come off as plain mean – even if their intent is nothing but a friendly jostling.
My first suggestion: Relax. These reactions are completely normal. You’re not alone. And while it’s frustrating to be on the receiving end of that stick, consider the source. Remember: If people treat you this way, they’re operating out of fear. That’s what humans do when they’re scared: They scramble for any ammo they can find because they see something valuable and powerful in you.
And that’s my second suggestion: Practice interpreting people’s behavior as subtle recognition of your ability. Every time it happens, tack another notch to your victory column. You’re on the right path. Even if you encounter a few haters on the side of the road. How will you use the criticism to fuel your fire?
3. Respond patiently, yet proactively. “Implicit or explicit ageism may manifest is through the use of patronizing language,” explains a 2005 issue of The Journal of Social Issues. According to the article, people do so through two negative methods of communication.
First, over accommodation. This consists of a person being excessively courteous and speaking simple and short sentences very loudly and slowly – often with an exaggerated tone and high pitch. For example:
“Okay Scott. Here’s how to do this. Put the paper here. Dial the number here. Then wait for the beep. Mmkay?”
Usually, when someone speaks to you like this, it makes you want to pile drive their greasy head in the color copier. Probably not the most mature response.
The second method of patronizing language is baby talk. This involves uncomplicated speech with an exaggerated pitch and tone that people use when talking to babies. For example:
“Have a wucky customer meeting Scotty? Aw. I bet you’d wuv someone to talk to, hmmm?”
Usually, when your boss speaks to you like this, it makes you want head-butt his nose into the back of his skull. Also not the smartest response. My suggestion is to remain patient, yet proactive. Keep your frustration at bay.
Otherwise your reaction will reinforce the very image you’re trying to avoid. How do you handle patronizers?
4. Don’t get sucked into the vortex. Because you’re the youngest person in your office, coworkers may see you as a vault. A safe haven for gossip or trash talk. This is unacceptable, disrespectful and a clear violation of your boundaries. When it happens, let people know three things:
First, you’re not flattered they chose to confide in you.
Secondly, you want no part of their negativity.
Third, you’re not going to laugh along with an obligatory giggle just because they’re the boss.
Stand your ground without stepping on people’s toes. Use these responses to respectfully refuse condoning negative behavior. Odds are, the respect you exude will be returned in light of your willingness to persist.
Either that, or you’ll create mass animosity and get fired for being an insubordinate troublemaker. Either way, you win. Will you be seduced by workplace gamesmanship?
5. Make the mundane memorable. If you find yourself saddled with entry-level duties and tasks, view this as a valuable opportunity to introduce remarkability. First, use the unique knowledge you already have. Then, put yourself positions to play to those strengths.
For example, if you’re an analytical, left-brained, strategic thinker – color everything you do with that brush. Even if you’re just getting coffee, making copies or relaying messages. Remember: People don’t care what you do – they care how you think. That’s what companies notice. That’s what companies remember. And that’s what companies promote.
The second suggestion for making the mundane memorable is to brand yourself as an informed source. Because even if you can’t participate in big decisions, even if you can’t sit at lunch with the big shots and even if you can’t get your name on the super-secret-inner-circle-email-list, you can always be the answer. Not a know-it-all. Not a yes man. Just an answer.
The coolest part is, when you’re positioned as a source for answers, people don’t just come to you – they come back to you. What pervasive, expensive, real and urgent problem does your brain solve – better, faster, smarter and cheaper than the rest of the losers your office?
6. Disarm immediate preoccupation. Here’s a rapid-fire list of the most common stereotypes of young professionals: Apathetic. Disrespectful. A.D.D. Disengaged. Entitlement attitude. Self-centered. Overly opinionated. Unable to communicate face-to-face.
Now, I’m sure the list goes on. And none of these adjectives are based on scientific data. Merely observations and experiences. Still, while those stereotypes might not be accurate – they’re still alive. And it never hurts to know what you’re up against.
First, so you can go out of your way to behave in ways that dispel the stereotype. There’s a simple path to professional development: Just google what world finds annoying about people like you – then do the opposite.
Another advantage of such awareness is to understand how other people experience your generation. More importantly, how other people experience themselves in relation to your generation. Those two elements combined will help you disarm whatever immediate preoccupation stands in your way of being heard. How will you lower your perceived threat level?
7. Acknowledge people’s contribution to your development. “Ungrateful and overly independent.” That’s another stereotype of the younger generation, according to numerous articles, case studies and message boards – not to mention every person I’ve ever met over the age of fifty.
As such, the smartest move you could make is to project a pervasive tone of gratitude.
First of all, this demonstrates your willingness to remain coachable and accept help. After all, success never comes unassisted.
Secondly, your appreciation won’t go unnoticed by your coworkers. That’s the best part about gratitude: Whatever you appreciate, appreciates.
Third, giving credit to the people whose mentoring built your foundation is a mark of maturity and magnanimity. And not everybody in your generation could be described as such.
Ultimately, gratitude is the great gravitator: Of wealth, of success, of assistance and of attention from the people who matter. When was the last time you made an entry into your gratitude journal?
REMEMBER: Just because you’re young doesn’t mean you’re useless.
As the youngest person in your office, you have an opportunity to bring new blood, fresh perspective and youthful energy to the workplace.
Be patient. Be proactive. Be pointed. And be a problem solver.
And maybe you won’t even need that semi-automatic machine gun after all.
LET ME ASK YA THIS...
Are you unafraid of being the youngest person in your office?
LET ME SUGGEST THIS...
For the list called, "65 Things I Wish Somebody Would Have Told Me When I Started My Company," send an email to me, and you win the list for free!
* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author, Speaker, Entrepreneur, Mentor
scott@hellomynameisscott.com
Who's quoting YOU?
Check out Scott's Online Quotation Database for a bite-sized education on branding success!
www.stuffscottsaid.com.Labels: approachability, approachable, execution, how to be a verb, how to be timeless, how to last, nametag guy, scott ginsberg, wise beyond your years
[Read the Full Post...]
Wednesday, September 01, 2010
As if you weren’t already assailed with enough negativity, criticism and confrontation from outside sources, I am now going to ask you to start confronting yourself.
Ugh. Who wants to do that? People hate confronting themselves.
They’re afraid that they’ll hate what they see.
They’re scared that they’ll have to take responsibility.
They’re terrified that they’ll have to make some changes.
Nah. It’s much easier to turn my eyes outward. I’ll just stick with that, you think.
BUT HERE’S THE SECRET: This isn’t about narcissistic self-obsession.
It’s about confident self-acceptance.
It’s about cementing self-connection.
It’s about conscious self-exploration.
It’s about continuous self-improvement.
As long as you’re wiling to attend to yourself coolly, courageously and compassionately; and as long as you’re willing to do some inner work, self-confrontation is one of the smartest, healthiest practices you could ever embed into your daily life.
Whether you’re an individual – or an organization – here’s a list of six more ways (
read the first six here!) to confront yourself without condemning yourself:
1. Understand the distinction. My friend Jeremy recently told me, “Confrontation is taking stock without judgment; condemnation is judging and finding the whole inventory useless. And it’s difficult to separate those things out when conducting self-analysis. Judging and justifying are much easier.”
That’s a key distinction. The word “confront” comes from the Latin confrontare, which means; “to stand in front of,” while the word “condemn” comes from the Latin condemnare, which means, “to blame.” I wonder what approach you take.
“When I have started on this process,” Jeremy continued, “I think I can actually hear a voice that sounds like a cop from Law and Order saying, ‘Nothing to see here, folks.’ I think that’s pride (or too much Law and Order).”
As you can see, there’s a fine line between checking yourself out and checking yourself off. Make sure you know the distinction. Which one are you doing to yourself?
2. Book blank time. I don’t care how stressed out you are. What I want to know is how you occupy your stillness when the world works overtime to make you tremble.
Ah, stillness. The great untapped reservoir of self-knowledge. If you truly want to become a master of self-confrontation without self-condemnation, practice meeting yourself in empty moments. Physically book time in your schedule for nothing.
Don’t worry. The world won’t fall apart without you. Remind yourself that there are no emergencies let the silence swallow you whole for five minutes. Even if no great revelations arrive initially, practicing regular intervals of silence will eventually get addictive.
Before you know it, you’ll be setting aside juicy chunks of your busy week to quiet down and confront yourself. How much blank time do you have booked for next week?
3. Reduce your speed. Some people stay so busy all the time because they know that if they stop – event for a moment – they might actually have to confront their problems and realize how mediocre their lives really are.
And the irony is, if they would actually take the time to pause and breathe, they’d come to face to face with their own suckiness and discover how to convert those liabilities into a legacy that matters.
To reduce your speed, consider asking yourself the following question throughout the day:
“Why are you rushing?”
Odds are, you won’t be able to come up with a legitimate answer. Especially if you’re like me: The kind of person who constantly tries to impress himself with how quickly he can make it to the post office and back.
Five minutes my ass. Watch this! Take that, Old Lady I Almost Hit That Probably Was Going to Die Next Week Anyway.
That’s the advantage of reducing your speed: You finally get a chance catch up with yourself. Lust like the old friend you haven’t seen since last November, it’s amazing what you realize you’ve been missing. And to think: All you had to do was slow the hell down. Who knew?
4. Be willing to meet yourself and not turn away. “Look at yourself in the mirror non-judgmentally. As a reflection and nothing else.” That’s what Erin, my yoga instructor, constantly reminds the class. That we need to learn to be open to all we are.
Now, if you’re not a yogi, I understand. My best suggestion for laying your world bear is to meet yourself at the page, for at least fifteen minutes a day.
Take out your pen and bleed all over the page. Saddle up to the keyboard and start pounding. Bust out your boss’s flip chart if you have to. Whatever writing style works for you.
And don’t feed me that whole, “But I’m not a writer,” excuse. Everyone is a writer. Writing is an extension of thinking. If you’re not a writer then you’re not a thinker. And if you’re not a thinker, you shouldn’t even be reading this.
Writing is the great clarifier and the great confronter. Everything you ever wanted to know about yourself can be learned through writing. But only if you do it honestly. Only if you use blood, not ink. Do you see yourself as you are or as you want to be?
5. Ritualize your confrontation. Ritual, in the words of Joseph Campbell, introduces you to the meaning of what’s going on. It properly puts your mind in touch with what you’re really doing.
What’s more, by ritualizing self-confrontation, you create a cushion of compassion for the devastating blows to land. Because let’s face it:
People don’t confront themselves because it’s scary.
People don’t confront themselves because it’s a gateway drug to change.
People don’t confront themselves because it’s ten thousand times harder than slogging along in mediocrity.
That’s why ritualizing self-confrontation is so essential: Because the circumferencelessness of human potential is terrifying. And needs to be attended to with a certain amount of namaste. “The spirit in me honors the spirit in you.”
For example, here’s my daily ritual:
Wake up early. Listen to one song from my custom playlist. Shower. Dress. Pour a cup of herbal tea. Sit down at my computer. Open a blank document. Puke out three-pages of stream of consciousness free writing. Recite my incantation. Go to work.
That’s how I compel myself to confront myself. And the reason is, without some kind ritual, your ego tells your body to clock out early. “Don’t worry, you can skip the self-confrontation just this once.”
But as we all know, it’s never just once. It’s like a Lays potato chip: Your ego can never eat just one. And that’s when you start to forget who you are. Remember: Rituals prevent you from saying, “Why the hell am I doing this?” What are yours?
6. Don’t disregard discoveries that are unjellable with your beliefs. I don’t care what you have faith in. What I want to know is if you’re willing to admit the truth of something you don’t have the courage to believe.
That’s the great commission of anyone who walks down the self-confrontational path: To attend to whatever experience surfaces with a posture of deep democracy. Knowing that everything matters equally. And to reassess any maladaptive assumptions that might be holding you back.
Because the reality is: Somewhere down the self-confrontational line, you’re going to learn something about yourself that’s inconsistent with the way you (thought) you saw yourself.
And that’s when you have a choice: Do I pretend that I didn’t just see that, or should I call bullshit on myself?
Remember: Self-confrontation is, if anything, a form of finding yourself. The cool part is: The more you practice finding yourself by yourself, the less you lose yourself with others.
As Brian Wilson said, “The more you sweat in peace, the less you bleed in war.” Not a bad trade-off. Are you pretending (not) to see what’s too difficult to confront?
LOOK, MAN: I know self-confrontation is like pulling teeth – your own teeth. And without Novocain, either.
But if you can’t be honest with yourself, what else is there?
We turn to Joseph Campbell’s book, Reflections on the Art of Living, in which he wrote:
“Where you stumble, there lies your treasure. The very cave you are afraid to enter turns out to be the source of what you are looking for.”
Go meet yourself.
Attend to your truth coolly, courageously and compassionately.
Even if you don’t like what you see.
You’ll thank you.
LET ME ASK YA THIS…
How do you confront yourself?
LET ME SUGGEST THIS...
For the list called, "11 Ways to Become Brilliant By Next Thursday," send an email to me, and you win the list for free!
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author, Speaker, Entrepreneur, Mentor
scott@hellomynameisscott.com
Never the same speech twice.
Always about approachability.
Watch The Nametag Guy in action here! Labels: approachability, approachable, commit with both feet, commitment, communicate your commitment, confront yourself, consistency, scott ginsberg, self-confrontation
[Read the Full Post...]
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
As if you weren’t already assailed with enough negativity, criticism and confrontation from outside sources, I am now going to ask you to start confronting yourself.
Ugh. Who wants to do that? People hate confronting themselves.
They’re afraid that they’ll hate what they see.
They’re scared that they’ll have to take responsibility.
They’re terrified that they’ll have to make some changes.
Nah. It’s much easier to turn my eyes outward. I’ll just stick with that, you think.
BUT HERE’S THE SECRET: This isn’t about narcissistic self-obsession.
It’s about confident self-acceptance.
It’s about cementing self-connection.
It’s about conscious self-exploration.
It’s about continuous self-improvement.
As long as you’re wiling to attend to yourself coolly, courageously and compassionately; and as long as you’re willing to do some inner work, self-confrontation is one of the smartest, healthiest practices you could ever embed into your daily life.
Whether you’re an individual – or an organization – here’s a list of six ways (
read the next six here!) to confront yourself without condemning yourself:
1. Clear the air. I write early. Very early. Sometimes clocking in between three and five in the morning. And the motivation behind this insanity is simple: At that time of day, the world isn’t awake yet.
Which means it’s very quiet. Which means there’s nothing for me to do but listen to the sound of my truth. And that’s when the best material comes spilling out: When your pen is drenched in blood.
That’s all creativity is anyway – active listening. And you don’t have to be a writer to practice this form of self-confrontation. The secret is to clear the air. To create a space where the mental and psychic acoustics are bright, clean and sharp.
Even if you’re not in the mood to listen to yourself. Especially if you’re not in the mood to listen to yourself. That’s probably when you need it most. As long as you promise not to beat yourself up when you hear something you don’t like. How can you eliminate the clatter and invite the clarity?
2. Align with things that will never lie to you. The hardest part about hot yoga isn’t the heat. Or the humidity. Or the fact that you spend ninety minutes in a sweaty room surrounded by half-naked strangers twisting their bodies into positions that would make Cirque du Soleil blush.
The real challenge is the self-confrontation. Did I mention there were mirrors everywhere? And that you have to stare at yourself, in silence, the whole time?
Ugh. Talk about things that will never lie to you. Those mirrors can be brutal. In fact, many first-time students (even some veterans!) can’t hold their gaze for more than a few seconds.
Which makes sense. It takes courage to willingly meet yourself over and over again. And the thought of having to confront your (physical) truth – consistently and objectively for such long periods of time – is one of the reasons many people never come back.
Personally, that’s exactly why I come back. Four days a week. Every week. I crave it like a stoner craves White Castle. Because it’s a chance to align with that which will never lie to me (my body) and force myself to come face to face with my truth.
Even if I’m feeling like a worthless piece of crap. What’s the longest period of time you’ve spent staring at yourself in the mirror?
3. Confront the number. Here’s the smartest weight management strategy I’ve ever practiced: Get on the scale. Every week. Same time. Write down my weight on a chart on the wall. Then look at that number every day.
Lost twelve pounds and kept it off.
Now, here’s what’s fascinating: Depending on how well I ate during the week, I might be excited, terrified or indifferent about confronting the number come Sunday morning.
But I always confront it. No matter what. Without judgment. Without evaluation. Without appraisal. What’s more, sometimes during the week I’ll catch myself mid-bite or mid-meal thinking:
“Damn it. I know I’m going to have to weigh myself in three days. Better pass on that twelfth piece of key lime pie.”
That’s the cool thing about self-confrontation: Even the mere anticipation of confronting your numerical truth can modify choices and behaviors in the meantime.
I wonder what quantitative metrics you could install to your weekly regiment to accomplish the same. Maybe accountability partner phone calls? Written records of activity level? Public charts of progress? How will you confront the number?
4. Use visual reminders. People love to ask me if I wear a nametag to remember who I am. And as facetious as their playful remark usually is, it finally occurred to me a few years ago:
Wait a minute. That’s exactly why I wear a nametag.
Because it’s easy to forget who you are. Sometimes you get so wrapped in who you think you are, who other people think you are, or who you want other people to think you are – that you overlook your own truth.
That’s the benefit of regular self-confrontation: To assist you in getting (and staying) over yourself. To remind you how you roll. And while you don’t need to wear a nametag to do so, you might consider using something tangible as a visual cue to induce ongoing self-confrontation.
As Oriah wrote in The Dance, “Self-acceptance is a practice, a willingness to slowly expand your ability to see yourself as you are and simply be with what you see.” How could you paint yourself into a confrontational corner?
5. Face your monster. You have demons and skeletons just like everyone else. But you also have your main monster. You know the one.
It’s that big, hairy, seven-eyed, ten-legged creepizoid thing hibernating in the deepest recesses of your heart, nagging and biting and scraping and drooling, whose sole purpose of existence is to prevent you from becoming great.
Yes. That one. And like a schoolyard bully, your monster’s power source comes from your fear of him. Which means that, without fear, he can’t touch you.
Which means the first step is to confront him and say, “You don’t scare me anymore.” The cool part is, once you take that first courageous confrontational step, you cripple 80% of your monster’s strength.
Which means that the second (and final) step is to simply take your index finger, poke him in the chest and watch him tumble to the ground like the punk ass he really is. What’s your monster?
6. Turn the tables. “What isn’t part of ourselves doesn’t disturb us,” says Herman Hessee, author of the cult-classic Siddhartha. “And if you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself.”
Here’s a helpful practice for doing so: Next time you observe someone acting in a manner you don’t approve of, just flip it.
Instead of instantly judging, “Wow, check out this guy at the table next to me. What a putz!” You might think to yourself, “Whom in my life do I treat this way?”
Or, next time something terrible happens to you, ask yourself:
*What is it in me that might be causing this situation?
*What did I do, innately, that attracted this into my life?
*What have I done to contribute to this discomfort I’m now feeling?
Learn to face yourself head on. Then, whatever your truth wants to serve up at that particular moment, accept it without complaint. How can you use your current experience as a mirror?
LOOK, MAN: I know self-confrontation is like pulling teeth – your own teeth. And without Novocain, either.
But if you can’t be honest with yourself, what else is there?
We turn to Joseph Campbell’s book, Reflections on the Art of Living, in which he wrote:
“Where you stumble, there lies your treasure. The very cave you are afraid to enter turns out to be the source of what you are looking for.”
Go meet yourself.
Attend to your truth coolly, courageously and compassionately.
Even if you don’t like what you see.
You’ll thank you.
LET ME ASK YA THIS…
How do you confront yourself?
LET ME SUGGEST THIS...
For the list called, "11 Ways to Become Brilliant By Next Thursday," send an email to me, and you win the list for free!
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author, Speaker, Entrepreneur, Mentor
scott@hellomynameisscott.com
Never the same speech twice.
Always about approachability.
Watch The Nametag Guy in action here! Labels: approachability, approachable, commit with both feet, commitment, communicate your commitment, confront yourself, consistency, scott ginsberg
[Read the Full Post...]
“Nobody noticed if he was good looking. When Francisco d'Anconia entered a room, it was simply impossible to look at anyone else. He had a name that wiped out all others when people saw it.”
Never the same speech twice.
