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Tuesday, November 21, 2017

It’s not because somebody liked you, it’s because you sold

In the show business world, you don’t make money until you make somebody else money. 

That’s why no organization wants to be the first person to trust you. Because if you’re not a proven well, if you don’t have a history of producing oil, and if you don’t have a reputation of getting people laid or paid, you have no leverage. 

I remember hearing a veteran talent manager, reflecting on his career in the entertainment industry, put it perfectly:

In the show business world, he said, agents are heat seeking missiles. When the client is hot, that person is everything. Smart, funny, talented, good looking and brilliant. But when the client isn’t hot, they’ll call them back later. 

The goal, then, is to think of ourselves as objects worth targeting. Not unlike infrared technology itself, we must behave in ways that generate and retain heat so our work is highly visible within the marketplace wavelengths, when compared to everything and everyone else in the background. 

What’s more, we must deal directly and impersonally with the resistance if and when that fire fizzles out. 

Meaning, not taking it so damn personally when the heat seeking missiles don’t seek us out. 

Because the reality is, it’s not because somebody liked us, it’s because we sold. 

It’s not whether we were good, it’s whether we were hot. 

We can’t become so vain that we think the song is about us.

LET ME ASK YA THIS...  
Are you sending people objects of interest, are you are doing something to make yourself an object of interest? 

* * * *


Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.  
scott@hellomynameisscott.com
www.nametagscott.com

Buy my latest devotional! 

A Year in Hot Yoga: 365 Daily Meditations for On and Off the Mat


Now available wherever books are sold.


Namaste.

Monday, November 20, 2017

Your love has nothing to do with me

You have bought into the story that this is progress. 

Instead of wisely cutting your losses and getting on with your life, you keep nobly persisting, refusing to take no for an answer, chasing down leads for opportunities that are ridiculously out of your reach, believing that your passion and personal stamina will actually make a difference. 

Because just like your mother always said:

You’re special and different and therefore better and more deserving than anybody else. Don’t let anybody tell you any different. 

And so, the voice inside your head says:

You just wait and see. Once those bastards finally come to their senses and realize that they’re going to have trouble living without me, they’ll come crawling back

That’s not determination, that’s delusion. It’s unrequited love. One sided infatuation. Trying to please people until they can’t stand you. 

And the problem is, popular culture has falsely portrayed this kind of persistence as something that pays off when the rejecter comes to their senses. 

But unfortunately, real life doesn’t work that way. 

Here’s what really happens. 

The lovelorn wallflower spends his entire adolescence fantasizing about dating the most popular girl in school. And then, at the senior prom, once he finally musters the courage to corner her at the party and share his meticulously detailed plans about their perfect future together, he realizes that his love has nothing to do with her. 

It’s just a performance. It’s just an elaborate story he built inside his head that has no relationship with reality. 

Real life isn’t an eighties teen drama. Think about the story of progress you’re buying into. 

Learn to become more sophisticated about your relationships, both personally and professionally. 

LET ME ASK YA THIS...  
Are you cutting your losses early and often?

* * * *


Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.  
scott@hellomynameisscott.com
www.nametagscott.com

Buy my latest devotional! 

A Year in Hot Yoga: 365 Daily Meditations for On and Off the Mat


Now available wherever books are sold.


Namaste.

Friday, November 17, 2017

Give yourself an apparatus of emotional accountability

The problem with a diary is, it’s private. 

Which means we can hide. Even if our words are raw and honest and bloody and real, with a diary, the risk and vulnerability and intimacy associated with sharing our truth with the world have all been eliminated from the equation. 

It’s just more winking in the dark. 

Not to minimize the importance of privacy and the value of keeping a diary. Studies have been done, books have been written and lectures have been given about the creative, therapeutic and cognitive affects of keeping a private record of one’s thoughts. 

I wrote in journals for decades and found the practice to be comforting, liberating and enlightening. 

But nothing beats bearing your soul in public. The daily practice of naming your shit, claiming your shit, letting the world into your closet, leaving yourself nowhere to hide and living life unguarded, that’s the stuff of true liberation. 

If you’re in public, making predictions, noticing things, revealing your deepest fears, admitting your mistakes, pining for truth and processing your emotions, your life gets better. Period. 

Because you’ve painted yourself into an honest corner. You’ve given yourself an apparatus of emotional accountability. 

It’s terrifying, but that’s the whole point. If what you’re about to say and sharing does not make you anxious, you are not building intimacy. 

My mentor used to tell me, before publishing anything, always ask yourself:

What risk do we run in presenting this material? 

Hurting people’s feelings? 

Being seen as imperfect and human? 

Alienating and polarizing readers? 

Disqualifying myself from future job opportunities? 

Becoming an outcast from the herd? 

Tarnishing my precious little reputation as an expert who has all the answers? 

Demonstrating the world that happiness isn’t always easy for me? 

Watching all of my cherished friends and family members abandon me because right here, right now, it has suddenly occurred to them that I’m an unlovable creep who deserves nothing? 

What do you risk in presenting this material? It’s not a writing mantra, it’s a life mantra. 

Just bear it. The thing that makes loving you impossible is the thing that wants to live. 

LET ME ASK YA THIS...  
How could you build an apparatus of emotional accountability?

* * * *


Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.  
scott@hellomynameisscott.com
www.nametagscott.com

Buy my latest devotional! 

A Year in Hot Yoga: 365 Daily Meditations for On and Off the Mat


Now available wherever books are sold.


Namaste.

Thursday, November 16, 2017

The grip of scarcity squeezed my heart

I have an entrepreneur friend whose business operates at a snail’s pace. 

Each of her projects take several months concept, several more months to incubate, and in many cases, several years to execute. 

Which isn’t abnormal for a small business owner, it’s simply the polar opposite of my own creative personality. 

Personally, my approach is to aim for volume, not accuracy. To ship things impatiently, imperfectly and prolifically until I fall asleep or develop carpel tunnel syndrome. 

In an effort to further remind myself that not everybody is just like me, I wondered why her work traveled at the speed of molasses. Because I suspected there were excuses undergirding my friend’s blanket justification of procrastination. There always are. 

Procrastination is the symptom, not the problem. 

What happened next surprised me. She said:

I under resource myself to relate to the world as scarce. 

What a fascinating revelation. Imagine how many of us entrepreneurs allow our projects to stall and drag because we’ve contracted ourselves into a state of scarcity. 

It’s the classic fallacy of playing small. Evaluating our work too narrowly. Eschewing growth out of integrity for our humble origins. Publicizing our sacrifices to impress others with how little we need. And depreciating and downplaying our gifts, talents and dreams for the fear of making too much of a ruckus. 

Which isn’t to suggest scaling is a panacea. But choosing to be less helps nobody. Operating form a place of scarcity, the deep belief that no matter how much we do and have, it’s still not enough, helps nobody. 

True satisfaction is the feeling that there’s a fullness in our lives rather than emptiness. 

Let’s turn off our modesty filters, just for today, instead of getting tangled in our own false humility. 

LET ME ASK YA THIS...  
Do you abundantly believe that you have enough, even in the wilderness of an uncertain future?

* * * *


Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.  
scott@hellomynameisscott.com
www.nametagscott.com

Buy my latest devotional! 

A Year in Hot Yoga: 365 Daily Meditations for On and Off the Mat


Now available wherever books are sold.


Namaste.

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

The race to win turns all of us into losers

Kohn’s definitive critique of competition gave language to a deep belief I’ve held my entire life, but could never clearly articulate. 

He argues that we have a competitive code in our chromosomes. The frantic scramble for position, prestige, profit and power is hardwired into us. Our biological roots tell us that life is fundamentally a competition, and we must construe our world in win or lose terms. 

As such, we’ve crafted a society that trains people to treat coworkers as adversaries. To triumph over others and regard them as obstacles to our own success. 

Resistance to competition is otherwise viewed as suspicious an unamerican. 

In fact, there is no corner of our lives that is too trivial or too important to be exempted from the compulsion to rank ourselves against one another, he writes. There’s no place for sentiment, it’s a matter of survival. We crave the sweet but ignoble satisfaction that we are better than someone else. 

But the irony, of course, is that it’s just a coping mechanism. A clever form of self soothing. Because while competing, we overcome the fundamental doubts about our capabilities. 

While competing, we stave off the persistent, pronounced sense that we are fundamentally no good. While competing, we taste perfection, assert our freedom and triumph over death, experiencing a form of existential affirmation.

Consider the office mate who treats people as invisible, as long as she gets what she wants. She looks at others every day as if to say

You are my rival, you are an it to me, an object, something I use for my own ends. 

But her desperate struggle of treating approval as a scarce commodity and turning love into a kind of trophy that must obtain at the expense of someone else ruins it for everybody. 

The race to win turns all of us into losers. 

I don’t actually have a point here. It’s just relieving to know that life doesn’t have to be an endless succession of contests. 

That daily existence doesn’t have to be structured upon the need to be better than. 

Kohn’s research reassured me that competition need never enter the picture in order for our skills to be mastered and displayed, and for our goals to be set and met. 

Thank god. 

LET ME ASK YA THIS...  
Are you fueled by the competitive edge, or the compassionate one?

* * * *


Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.  
scott@hellomynameisscott.com
www.nametagscott.com

Buy my latest devotional! 

A Year in Hot Yoga: 365 Daily Meditations for On and Off the Mat


Now available wherever books are sold.


Namaste.

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Believe that your struggle is valid

The worst thing you can do is tell yourself that your pain is not important. 

That your struggle is not valid. 

Come, now. Have some respect for your own suffering. Give weight to what happened to you. And if at all possible, find safe places to share it. Find ways to use your pain in a way that benefits other people. 

Because the other destructive lie we tell ourselves is that we have nowhere to turn. 

And it’s simply not true. No path in life is entirely free of suffering. Regardless of how big or small or traumatic or innocuous our pain might feel to us, we have to believe that our struggle is valid. We have to remember that there are hundreds if not thousands of other people in the world who have experienced the exact same thing as us. 

People who have a parallel language to something we are already feeling. 

Gilbert put it best in her book about the joy and struggle of the creative process.

Pain renders our life narrow and thin and isolated. Our suffering takes this whole thrilling gigantic universe and shrinks it down to the size of our own unhappy head. 


That’s what the struggle does to us. We become so alienated that we forget we’re not alone. 

And so, we owe it to ourselves and to the people in our lives to go out of our way to honor the part of ourselves that is not satisfied with a life of estrangement and isolation. 

Thinking back to every support group, mastermind meeting or discussion meetup I’ve attended, the takeaway was always the same. 

Sometimes all we need is an ounce of not alone. 

LET ME ASK YA THIS...  
What networking of human healing is your anchor during painful times?

* * * *


Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.  
scott@hellomynameisscott.com
www.nametagscott.com

Buy my latest devotional! 

A Year in Hot Yoga: 365 Daily Meditations for On and Off the Mat


Now available wherever books are sold.


Namaste.

Monday, November 13, 2017

People don’t need advice, they need accountability

Failure to execute is rarely due to a lack of internal knowledge, but a lack of external pressure. 

Most people know exactly what they need to do. They just need another human being to create a greater sense of expectation around doing it. 

And so, next time you notice a friend, coworker or employee struggling to finish their project, try this. 

Instead of rushing in as the lord of answers to impart another empty motivational slogan like just do it, simply ask that person to email you a sample by the end of the week. 

That way, you’re not charging into their suffering with certainty and answers, you’re appealing to the fundamental human desire to not let someone down. You’re putting them on the hook. You’re putting yourself on the hook. 

Which isn’t guaranteed to provoke anyone into action, but at the very least, it radiates a spirit of care and attention. Even if it doesn’t necessarily require you to intervene. 

Block’s inspiring book on creating a strong and connected communities reminds us that advice is a surrender of sovereignty. In giving into this request, he writes, we affirm people’s belief that they don’t have the capacity to create the world from their own resources. We support their escape from their own freedom. 

That’s our interpersonal mandate. 

People don’t need advice, they need accountability. 

Stop trying to drop knowledge and start trying to increase pressure. 

LET ME ASK YA THIS...  
What happened to the last person you gave advice to?

* * * *


Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.  
scott@hellomynameisscott.com
www.nametagscott.com

Buy my latest devotional! 

A Year in Hot Yoga: 365 Daily Meditations for On and Off the Mat


Now available wherever books are sold.


Namaste.

Sunday, November 12, 2017

The only thing that needs fixing is our own filter

Toxic people don’t go away, won’t make exceptions, refuse to accept help, never learn their lessons, rarely modify their behavior, never take responsibility and seldom realize they’re doing anything wrong. 

They are the constants in the equation of human interaction. 

Which is an infuriating feature of reality, but the sooner we accept that we can’t change or fix people, we can only change and fix our responses to them, the freer we ultimately become. 

Let’s say there’s a toxic coworker at your office whose insufferable cynicism and spitefulness makes you want to punch a hole through your computer screen. 

Instead of secretly poisoning his morning coffee with cleaning fluid, stop and ask yourself a few questions. 

What is it about my personality that might be drawing me into this kind of relationship? What boundary did I fail to set? And what might I need to modify about my own style of relating to people to respond to this better? 

Because the only thing that’s worth fixing is our own filter. It’s not our job to teach people lessons, it’s our job to learn ours. 

I’m reminded of an interview with a trauma psychologist who said that the human body doesn’t respond to other people’s words, it responds to our history. And so, the emotional trigger that the toxic person is pulling probably has nothing to do with the present moment. 

Let's you grew up with a neighborhood bully who made fun of you relentlessly. His words made you feel deeply insecure about almost every part of yourself, both physically and emotionally. 

Fast forward to twenty years later, and you end up working for a boss who reminded of that very bully. And so, every time he playfully but painfully prodded your deepest personal flaws in front of your coworkers, you instantly felt twelve years old. 

But instead of writing a strongly worded letter, or passive aggressively trying to get back at him through death by a million cuts, you accept it was your own filter that needed fixing, your own unresolved issues that still had work to be done. 

Perhaps that’s the beauty of toxic people. They invite us to take a closer look at ourselves. 

Because all healing journeys require us to uncover our past for each step forward we take. 

We have to stop being angry at the little parts of ourselves that we haven’t made peace with yet.

LET ME ASK YA THIS...  
Are you still walking around the world with an untreated condition?

* * * *


Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.  
scott@hellomynameisscott.com
www.nametagscott.com

Buy my latest devotional! 

A Year in Hot Yoga: 365 Daily Meditations for On and Off the Mat


Now available wherever books are sold.


Namaste.