All Have Love But Few Know How To Use It Right

"Everybody is a frustrated something." Not necessarily. It all depends on your relationship with your expectations. For example, I've been writing and performing music for twenty years. Composing, playing and singing my own songs is one of the most satisfying and rapturous experiences of my life. But I'm practical enough to treat it as a passion, not a profession. I'm no rock star. I'm completely okay never making money off my music. And because of that level of expectation, there's no frustration. Ever. Inspired by a conversation between Doug Benson and Dr. Drew.

"Unemployment is so high, we're watching other people work." Brilliant observation by comedian Dov Davidoff. Got me thinking about two statistics. First, eleven million Americans are unemployed. Second, Americans watch thirty-four hours of television a week. It doesn't take an economist to do the math. Here's my idea: What if, for one year, we stopped watching other people make art, create value and earn money, and instead, we got to work ourselves? The repurcussions would be glorious. More tax money would come in. Less junk food would be eaten. Greater morale would be established. Less depression would be reported. All we'd have to do is put down the remote. 

"All have love but few know how to use it right." Contrary to popular conditioning, it's not hard to be single in this town. In fact, it's not hard to be single in any town. Like any worthwhile pursuit, looking for love is only as hard as we make it. If we're willing to do the work, we'll find someone. If we're waiting for love to fall in our lap, we'll remain alone. That's it. When we approach the problem in a simple, honest, binary way, our hearts will thank us forever. Inspired by a greeting card I gave to my fiance.

"I always had the notion that I had a tiny garden to cultivate." Purpose is a word that gets thrown around like a rag doll. And a few years ago, I discovered something. Purpose isn't an activity or a talent or a job or hobby, it's everything. It's the way we live our lives. Most of us have too narrow a definition of purpose, and as a result, we sell ourselves short. Purpose isn't a box to be checked, it's a project to be lived.

"We are amazingly adept at being defensive creatures who can deny almost anything." It's the same old story: Everyone knew she wasn't right for me. Everyone except me, that is. I had no idea my girlfriend was a flaming ball of manipulation and negativity, because I was too busy seeing what I wanted to see. Thankfully, a few brave friends lifted the veil and loved me enough to pull my lovelorn ass out of the mine field before it was too late. That was a close one. Inspired by Eric Maisel's new book, Making Your Creative Mark.

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Jobs That Are Too Small For Our Spirit

"It was an itch I've been trying to scratch for many years." Love this story about Nigel Clark, a call center employee who spent seven years working out shortcuts to help customers skip through the dozens of menu options. Proving my theory that anger is the ember of initiative, that only pissed off people change the world, and that once we channel our frustration into something useful, all the bullshit we endured becomes worthwhile. Exhale. Nothing beats the exquisite satisfaction of spinning straw into gold.

"I added this app to ensure trust in my loving relationship with my boyfriend." Reviews in the app store are a comedy writer's dream. This particular user installed a family member locator app on her phone that nearly ended her relationship. Allegedly, the push alert inaccurately notified Marcy's boyfriend of her whereabouts. When he found out what club she really went to, the waves of jealousy came crashing down and they ended up getting into an epic fight. Thanks, Life360. The point is, if you need an app to ensure trust in your loving relationship, you shouldn't be in a relationship. Or have a smartphone.

"Budget time so it's not all sucked up by one step of the process." I used to work with a designer named Chu. He was a master at managing his time, and inspiring others to do the same. The best was, if he noticed someone getting bogged down by one particular task, he'd sneak up behind them and whisper, "You're spending too much time on this." That's all it took to get people back on track. In fact, even today, if you hold your ear up to a mousepad and listen closely, you can make out the faint voice of Chu's ghost.  Doooeeeeeit.

"Jobs that are too small for our spirit." Over the years, I've waited tables, sold furniture, parked cars, sold watches on Ebay and refereed youth basketball. But none of those jobs were beneath me. I did what I had to do at the time. The problem is, when you're housing an immense spirit, witholding your best skills and talents and gifts and abilities, it's not only a misuse of professional resources, it's an existential disservice to yourself. You have to pay the bills, but eventually, you have to make the most of everything you are. Inspired by a passage from Working.

"To keep her in love with me shall be my chief object." Timeless marriage advice from a greeting card I picked up the other day. That's what I tell my lady: My goal is to see how many times I can make you laugh before you leave for work. That way, your reservoir of joy is overflowing for the rest of the day. Point being, we all need something to distract us from the complexity of reality. Laughter works pretty darn well.

"I use what remains of my dreams of the night before." I once bought a book on dream interpretation. Total nightmare. Didn't understand a word. But I did steal the suggestion of writing down your dreams as soon as you wake up. And I've been practicing that daily ritual for many years now. Pretty interesting stuff. Learned a lot about myself, picked up a few good song lyrics, even stumbled across a good idea or two. Sure beats reading another dense psychology textbook. Inspired by the infamous interviews with Eugene Ionesco.

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She’s My Second Favorite Narcissist In New York

"It's like quitting cocaine by crazy gluing your nostrils together." Snap. That was Bill Maher's take on Chris Christie's stomach stapling. And my thought is, what's the problem with crazy glue? For those of us who lack self-control, people for whom abstinence is cheaper than moderation, sometimes the best way to block a punch is to not be there. In my experience, forcing yourself to live in a more black and white world knocks out excuses, reduces your experience of anxiety, prevents the rationalization of poor choices and enables daily decision making to be a million times easier. Absolutes are highly underrated. Hooray for glue.

"A society of mourned and misplaced creativity." I'm eternally grateful to come from a family of artists, musicians and entrepreneurs; an upbringing that encouraged, supported and applauded all forms of creativity. Sadly, not every family has such fortune. People grow up, but their expression never bubbles to the surface. Beaten into submission by the sleepwalk of work, their art never finds a home. Thank god for interviews with artists like James Rhodes. He inspires hope that it's never too late for the gates of dammed up dreams to be opened.

"Bad words don't make it into the public sphere." My friend Tony pointed out a fascinating distinction between public space and digital space. Online, selectivity determines discovery. We only engage with content that mirrors our identity. We scroll through feeds, subscribe to blogs, listen to podcasts and press like buttons for people and things and ideas that perfectly reflect our belief systems. And, we do so with anonymity. Offline, proximity determines discovery. We engage with whatever is around us. We have conversations in unexpected places and bump into people who aren't like us and encounter viewpoints that, god forbid, force us to think outside of our outdated beliefs. And, we do so with accountability. Maybe I'll start listening to Glen Beck, just to keep me on my toes.

"Growing wealth as a side effect of living your life creatively and intelligently." Wealth isn't the target, wealth is what we get for hitting the target. It's the incidental consequence of the intentional commitment to make meaning in accordance with our values. Who said anything about money? Five years ago, my income was significantly higher than it is now, but my relationship sucked, my health suffered and my happiness staggered––therefore, my wealth was significantly lower than it is now. Inspired by Jaron Lanier's new book, Who Owns The Future? 

"I’ve gotten so used to it that doesn’t seem weird anymore." Yesterday I was telling a new coworker the origin story of my nametag. Her immediate response was, "Why would anybody want to read a book about that?" And I replied, "Exactly. They wouldn't. But they did. Repeatedly. For twelve years. And because of that, I built a profitable business, a successful career and an iconic brand. So, who's the joke really on here?" Inspired by a heartbreaking documentary on professional YouTubers.

"She’s my second favorite narcissist in New York." I overheard this comment during a happy hour conversation between two unemployed drunks. Made me think of this. When we decided to move to a New York, the first thing we did was interview friends who lived here. As expected, everyone bemoaned how exhausting, stressful and overwhelming the city was. We considered ourselves warned. Eighteen months later, I'm not sure I agree. Yes, New York is fast, cold, hard and rude. And I'm probably more tired than I used to be. But I'm also more relaxed, more slow paced and more at peace than I used to be. Perhaps overwhelm is a choice to be made, not an inevitability to be feared.

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Creating A Secondary Layer Of Worries

"We’ve shattered the myth that demography is destiny." Last week I watched two documentaries about charter schools, Waiting For Superman and The Lottery. Both movies made me cry. The notion that families are pinning their hopes to a bouncing ball, that kids have to get lucky to get an education, and that destiny is determined by a draw, just breaks my heart. Ugh. Still, after visiting one of these charter schools in person, I legitimately believe our educational future is brighter than ever. Have you ever watched a kindergartner deconstruct a poem by E. E. Cummings? Holy shit. These are our future leaders, and I love them.

"Starving people aren't allergic to shit." Thank you. Alonzo Bodden proves that our country is officially out of problems. Look, I don't doubt that peanut allergies are series health concerns for certain people. But the real issue isn't the spreading allergies, it's the spreading of anxiety. In the past twenty years, we've become an overly hygienic, hyper sensitive, uber litigious population––phenomenally busy but radically empty––addicted to our own drama, unable to pause and realize that we're the luckiest goddamn humans on the planet who haven't earned the right to complain about anything. Ever. The end.

"The less you need to spend each month, the easier it is to follow your dreams." Sweet collection of entrepreneurs giving advice to their younger selves. Reminds me of the time my company got audited by the government. Twice. In one year. What a delightful experience that was. However, it was a lesson I badly needed to learn. Changed my entire perspective on financial management. Turns out, you can't always make more, but you can always spend less. It's disgusting how quickly twelve bucks a month adds up.

"Food gives us something to focus on that's not our emotional landscape." I have a habit of eating my feelings. Whether I'm annoyed, stressed or unhappy, there's nothing a bag of chocolate covered pretzels won't fix. But the more Dr. Drew talks about this issue, the more I realize that it isn't about weight management, it's about emotion management. If the feelings are there, we need to deal with them. Head on. Without a culinary coping mechanism. Years ago, I learned how to do this through morning pages. It's my go-to ritual for confronting emotions and metabolizing experiences. The best part is, it's free, it doesn't make my pants fit tighter and it doesn't make me feel guilty when the bag is empty.

"Creating a secondary layer of worries." If delayed gratification is king, strategic indifference is queen. I promise, once we master the fine art of not giving a shit, life is infinitely more enjoyable. Subway running late? Coworkers annoying you? Raining pouring down at lunch? Husband stanking up the bathroom? Teach yourself to not give a shit. Seriously. Save your heart for the moments that matter, care like crazy when it counts, and just let the rest go. Stress is the number one cause of everything bad that happens to us, and we don't need any more of it. This rant sparked by an article about North Korea.

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They’re Karaoke Machines Of Themselves

"You’re tough the way tofu is firm." This joke from my favorite comic strip hits awfully close to home. Tough is a facade. It's external. It's the shell we construct to make sure nobody knows how vulnerable we are. In fact, the word tough means "not easily broken or cut." And that's pretty much the polar opposite of me. I take everything personally and cry all the time. So I'm not tough. Sue me. What matters more than being tough is being brave. Bravery is a character trait. It's internal. It's the willingness to hang your balls out there in the face of complete humiliation. Tough is for wimps.

"They’re karaoke machines of themselves." Jakob Dylan rants about the performance style of aging musicians. They're not singing songs, they're doing impressions. They've become caricatures of themselves, hopelessly inhabiting the younger, thinner, sexier version of a rockstar from days past. The key is to avoiding this, I think, is to surround ourselves with people who don’t remind us how we are no longer what we were. People who have no memory of us when we were any better than we are now. That brand of compassionate support is what enables us to evolve gracefully.

"Navigate the hormonally charged waters." I read a fascinating article about the teenage obsession with virginity (or lack thereof) and it got me thinking. Delayed gratification is wildly underrated. If it's worth pursuing and worth achieving, it's worth waiting for. When I ran my own business, I often booked clients five years after meeting them initially. And not for a lack of value, sometimes our timing was just off. Same goes for relationships. Had I met my fiance a year earlier in life––when my head and heart were stuck in dark places––we might have never clicked. The point is, patience is a muscle that needs its own personal trainer. The earlier we start practicing delayed gratification, the better prepared we'll be for life's inevitable limbos.

"They never limit their vision to serve petty competitiveness." There are two kinds of people: Those who play to win, and those who play to keep the game going. Personally, I'm the latter. Competition was never a mechanism that operated very strongly in me. I was always less interested in winning and more interested in playing. Trouble is, that attitude doesn't sit well with the agressive, alpha personalities of the world. In fact, the only thing that infuriates competitive people more than losing, are people who don't care about winning. Which, ironically, is a sweet victory in itself. Inspired by an article about loving your job.

"The more labels you have for yourself, the dumber they make you." Timeless article about keeping your identity small. Brings to mind one of my favorite phenomena, premature cognitive commitment. That's when we fall in love with our own way of seeing the world, keeping our minds blocked off from any information that isn't consistent with the label we've attached to ourselves. Reaffirming what I've believed for a long time now, that nametags should be first name only. Enough letters to admit that we're human beings, but not so many letters that we brand ourselves into a corner.

"I'd rather be an hour early than five minutes late." Imagine running late for a big meeting. En route, you get sweaty, hurried and anxious. You start preparing the excuse barrage for your client. And you start beating yourself up for acting unprofessionally and disorganized. That's one way to do it. Here's another option. Yesterday when I got off the subway, I realized I was 40 minutes early for my meeting. So, I walked around the neighborhood, bought a snack, listened to a podcast and inhaled a few chapters from Inferno. My commute was completely relaxing, satisfying, even a little productive. And I wasn't sweating through my jacket.

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Sad Facsimiles Of Happiness Crapped Out By An Uncaring World

"To learn what we couldn't possibly learn if we were stuck in our own orbit." What I love most about space exploration is, it's the prefect metaphor for intellectual curiosity. We may not have uncovered alien civilizations on planet Zoltar, but our country's space program helped advance the fields of communication, solar energy, videography and mechanical engineering, just to name a few. All because we admitted that our planet wasn't the center of the universe and dared to dig for answers outside of our own orbit. There's a huge lesson there about empathy and mental flexibility that most people miss. Fortunately, we have documentaries narrated by William Shatner to help crack open our brains.

"Sad facsimiles of happiness crapped out by an uncaring world." If you want to expose yourself to a smorgasbord of untapped literary genius, spend an hour reading product reviews on the iTunes store. You'll find some of the most insightful, entertaining, witty and lucid product criticisms the likes of which Wired has never seen. Seriously, stumbling across passages like the one above reaffirms my faith in humanity. If we could only find a way to redirect our collective brilliance from ranting about pointless video games to rebuilding our education system. Maybe the government should start recruiting employees from the app store.

"Television is leading someone else’s life for a short period of time." Carolla finally articulated what I've been trying to say about television for years. It's not that I hate the programming, it's that I love life. Excuse me, but there has to be a better way to spend thirty-four hours of our week than watching an entire season of House of Cards. We may as well get second jobs. And yes, there are holes in my argument. First, every television show is amazing. Second, not having a television makes you sound like a douche. And third, when people aren't watching television, the only thing they talk about is watching television. Which means you're the odd man out. Dang it.

"Sustained intimacy with mortality does wonders to replace perception with perspective." A friend of mine runs a funeral home in Cleveland. Third generation family business. Very successful. Several years ago, I stopped by to say hey on my way through town. And maybe it was the smell of phemaldehyde, maybe it was the showroom of coffins, or maybe it was just the ambient presence of death, but after about five minutes, I had to step outside. Ugh. That place made my blood run cold. Justin, being the master of compassion he is, told me that my reaction was quite normal. He also told me that growing up in the funeral business forced him to confront his mortality on a daily basis, and inspired him to live life to the fullest. I wonder how much television he watches. Triggered by an article about author Philip Roth.

"A place where your voice can take flight and travel." Crucial article about the cost of being boring in a job search. Reminds me of a strategy worth adding to the list, possibly the most underrated and underleveraged strategy of all: Showing up in person. I'm shocked more people don't try this approach. It's bold, it's unexpected, it's personable, it's simple, and nobody does it anymore. Nobody. I'd rather invest my unemployed days getting kicked out of offices than sitting at a coffee shop, pressing send and hoping for the best.

"Forever tethered to the unproductive dance." The secret to productivity is building momentum. Installing rituals that ensure our day has a cadence and rhythm that include movement. Typically, I don't leave for work until about nine. So I spend the first few hours of my day practicing meditation, creativity, reflection and relaxation. By the time I get to the office, I already feel energized and accomplished. These rituals set the tone for the day, stoke my work fire and keep the momentum going until I pass out at my desk around three. Inspired by the new Brian Solis book.

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