Sunday, June 14, 2020

Putting ourselves at the mercy of people's opinions

Have you ever given up on ideas, projects and even beliefs just because of one asshole's unsolicited judgment? 

Sadly, it happens to the best of us.

Instead of choosing how much weight we grant other people’s opinions, we collapse faster than a cheap souffl√©. 

This is one of the great joys of getting older. 

Once you know exactly who you are, then you put exactly zero weight in other people's opinion of you. 

Once your life is where you want it to be, you don’t have to listen to anybody. 

Most codependency questionnaires include a question or two about this issue. Something like:

Are you always worried about other people's opinions of you? Are the opinions of others more important than your own? 

Clinicians name this excessive impression management, or external referencing. It's form of manipulation and control, and it's completely exhausting. 

Kind of sounds like the first fifteen years of my adult life. Thinking back to the number of sheer calories burnt trying to manipulate people into seeing me in the ideal light, it's a wonder that I ever had time to work. 

How much light and freedom and joy would you feel if you simply ignored everybody? 

That is an option. As an adult, you don't actually have to listen to anybody. 

Each of us has the right to choose how much weight we grant other people’s judgments. 

But that's just my opinion. 

LET ME ASK YA THIS...
What is your sense of self overly reliant on?