Sunday, August 13, 2017

Exorcising past ghosts of insecurity

Miller’s book on finding true intimacy reminds us that people clapping for us is a nice thing, but it’s better to have somebody who is more in love with us than impressed by us. 

It’s a beautiful lesson for our most intimate relationships. 

In fact, outside of the bedroom, it’s also applicable to the boardroom. Because the workplace is the other venue where we tend to behave in ways that broadcast our insecurities. 

When I think back to all of the job interviews and pitch meetings and client presentations I’ve made over the years, part of me wishes I could go back and apologize to all of those people. 

Because knowing me, I was probably trying so hard to be needed and likeable and entertaining and impressive, that I failed to leave gaps in which I could just breathe and be present to the needs of the room. 

Wait a minute, why aren’t you more impressed with me? Fuck you for not knowing I’m famous. How dare you not relish in my success. 

Behold, the distracting noises of insecurity. If only we knew that we didn’t have to do all that for people to love us. 

I have a friend whose shrink calls him on the carpet every time he makes a joke during therapy. 

I’m sure you’re very funny, she says, but I’m sure that’s not why you’re here today. 

That’s what we do. We put on a show. Not because we want to, but because we’re hiding behind the performance. Becoming insecure in ways nobody had previously thought possible. 

And so, the healthiest way out of this emotional blind alley is trust. Trusting that we don’t have to do all that for people to love us. Trusting that who we already are is sufficient to get what we want. Trusting that we are good enough and we don’t have to spend our life proving that we are. 

Remember, the only place to seek security is in the shelter of our own resources. 

They provide us with a secure base from which to operate.

LET ME ASK YA THIS...  
How would your relationships looked different if you abandoned altogether your search for applause?
LET ME SUGGEST THIS... 

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Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.  
scott@hellomynameisscott.com
www.nametagscott.com


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