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Thursday, August 17, 2017

Borrowing from your own integrity to fund other people’s happiness

Boundary guilt occurs when we set a limit that reinforces our integrity, but then have to watch others bear their own consequences and struggle to take care of themselves. 

It’s this weird version of buyer’s remorse. 

The minute we step off the used car lot of life, we start questioning ourselves. 

Maybe I was being selfish. Or too harsh. Or not compassionate enough with that person. 

But in that moment when we’re tempted to abandon our integrity, we must remember a few things. 

First, each of us aspires to make ourselves proud by manifesting our values. And so, we rejoice that there is something in this world that we will not bargain with. We recognize that living in universe where our values have been successfully achieved is what it means to be human. 

Secondly, setting boundaries on other people’s expectations on what we’re capable of doing means being okay with those people being uncomfortable. Let them feel that way. Repeat no until you are heard. It’s a small price to pay for the glory of your soul. 

Finally, when people attempt to violate your boundaries, it’s a perfect opportunity to better understand who you are and what’s important to you, and to develop the voice to declare your cherished values. 

Remember, poor boundaries can disguise themselves as compassion. 

Don’t let guilt shut down your intuitive inklings. 

Don’t borrow from your own integrity to fund other people’s happiness. 

LET ME ASK YA THIS...  

Is there anything you’re still doing or not doing because of guilt? 
LET ME SUGGEST THIS... 

For the list called, "99 Ways to Think Like an Entrepreneur, Even If You Aren't One," send an email to me, and you win the list for free!

* * * *

Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.  
scott@hellomynameisscott.com
www.nametagscott.com


Never the same speech twice. Customized for your audience. Impossible to walk away uninspired.

Now booking for 2017-2018.

Email to inquire about fees and availability. Watch clips of 


The Nametag Guy in action here!

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Free people are free from impressing others

The best way to analyze another person is to search for overcompensation

To notice their excessive and exaggerated attempts to overcome feelings of inferiority, guilt, or inadequacy by asking the following question. 

What is the impression that this individual takes the greatest trouble to convey to me? 

The answer, then, is the very thing that person fears most about themselves. That’s why they do what they do. 

My temperament, for example, is that of an attention getting, audience demanding, approval seeking, applause dependent artist. Which has served me well over the years. This unconscious formula for success has shaped every aspect of my life and propelled my career trajectory in many interesting and profitable directions. 

But it all stems from the fear that I have to be spectacular to be safe in this world. That’s the story I tell myself. That I simply must be funny and interesting and insightful at all times, otherwise I’m not a good person and will be rejected and die alone. And that if I fail to satiate my compulsive and superficial desire to impress some invisible jury, the astonishing fertility of my creative genius will go unwitnessed. 

It’s bloody exhausting. The lifelong project of trying to be likeable, constantly on the lookout for any evidence that I’m not adored, that takes a significant amount of psychic energy. 

And for what? Most people probably aren’t even thinking about me enough to judge me anyway. They’re too buried in their own story. 

My mentor was right. Free people are free from impressing others. 

I don’t have to transform myself to find the love I can never lose. If I don’t completely sacrifice myself for others, I’m still a caring, giving and honest person. And even if everyone I meet doesn’t know of my many benevolences and achievements, they will still think I’m valuable for a variety of other reasons. 

I finally understand this liberation as a form of generosity in my relationship with myself.

LET ME ASK YA THIS...  
Who would you be without the thought that you need to make an impression?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS... 
For the list called, "99 Ways to Think Like an Entrepreneur, Even If You Aren't One," send an email to me, and you win the list for free!

* * * *

Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.  
scott@hellomynameisscott.com
www.nametagscott.com


Never the same speech twice. Customized for your audience. Impossible to walk away uninspired.

Now booking for 2017-2018.

Email to inquire about fees and availability. Watch clips of 


The Nametag Guy in action here!

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

What we want for their best isn’t always what they need

Starting in the early eighties, my grandfather started a family tradition. 

Sunday mornings he’d pick up the grandkids to go out for breakfast, practice math problems in the car, and of course, feed bread to the ducks at the pond. 

We did this every week for over ten years, creating many of our most cherished memories as kids. 

Of course, we had no idea at the time just how harmful that was for ducks. 

According to the audubon societies and river trusts and animal preserves, millions of loaves of bread are thrown into rivers and canals around the world every year, polluting the water and damaging hundreds of thousands of duck homes. Not to mention, duck health. 

Turns out, white flour is the equivalent to junk food to a duck’s diet. The uneaten soggy bread can also cause a buildup of bad nutrients creating harmful algae that can spread disease and attract pests such as rats. 

And so, this isn’t to say that our precious memories came from an unhealthy place. Grandpa wasn’t trying to teach us strategies for effectively murdering local waterfowl. 

But all ducks aside, there’s an interesting parable in human relationships. 

Because what we want for another person’s best isn’t always what they need. 

And when we keep trying give people what we think is good for them, we risk causing more harm than good. 

Burn’s groundbreaking psychology research calls this behavior dysfunctional giving, where the recipient experiences the giver’s intervention as an infringement of their personal freedom and autonomy. And when people experience a loss of personal control they often become angry, reactive, and rebellious. 

If you’ve ever been bitten on the ass by a duck, you know what I mean. 

The point is, we have limited control over how recipients perceive our intentions and respond to our assistance and gifts. And so, to avoid any unhelpful or unhealthy helping, here are a few suggestions for modifying our habits. 

Instead of assuming that our intervention will be welcomed, ask how we can help first. 

Instead of assuming that we know what the other person needs, give them the gift of space to express themselves completely. 

Instead of reflectively dispensing unsolicited advice and suggestions, offer emotional support in the form of listening and loving and cheerleading. 

Instead of rescuing and taking responsibility for everybody you encounter, let them stumble and fail and feel crappy and eventually find their way back to center. 

In short, don’t feed bread to the ducks. It only makes things worse. 

Figure out what, if anything, they might need instead. 

And then you can take a quack at being helpful.

LET ME ASK YA THIS...  
Who are the ducks in your life that you’re trying to feed white bread to?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS... 
For the list called, "99 Ways to Think Like an Entrepreneur, Even If You Aren't One," send an email to me, and you win the list for free!

* * * *

Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.  
scott@hellomynameisscott.com
www.nametagscott.com


Never the same speech twice. Customized for your audience. Impossible to walk away uninspired.

Now booking for 2017-2018.

Email to inquire about fees and availability. Watch clips of 


The Nametag Guy in action here!

Monday, August 14, 2017

Lose the stuff that helped once, but isn’t helping anymore

As a job search experiment, I once showed up in the lobby of an advertising agency I was dying to work for, sat on the couch all afternoon in silence, and when the owner finally came out of his office, I marched right up to him, slammed my fist on the desk, looked him dead in the eye and said:

I want a job, and I’m not leaving until you hire me

Believe it or not, that approach actually worked. In a city where eight million centers of the universe were scrambling around town trying to frogger their way to the front of the line, I somehow managed to stick out using the oldest trick in the book. 

It was like a montage out of a cheesy eighties romantic comedy. Even I couldn’t believe my good luck. 

Of course, that was the operative word. Luck. Because despite my gumption and good intentions, my supposed victory was really just a product of serendipity. 

Perfect timing. Planetary alignment. Preparation meets opportunity. Lighting in a bottle. 

The reason I know this is, I tried the same approach again. Dozens of times with dozens of other companies I wanted to work for. And it never worked again. Hiring managers weren’t impressed. Some of them even called security. 

It’s like my mentor used to warn me, the first time it’s art, the second time it’s a tactic. 

Psychologists call this phenomenon outcome bias, which is our tendency to judge a decision by its eventual outcome, instead of judging it based on the quality of the decision at the time it was made. 

Turns out, human beings are prone to assigning more positive significance to a decision when the outcome is positive. 

Like the addictive gambler who uses anecdotal evidence from friends to justify staying at the same blackjack table until sunrise. Because in his mind, continuing to play could result in winning millions of dollars. And so, outcome bias prevents them from leaving the casino until he pisses away his only son’s college fund. 

Proving, that just because your strategy worked once in the past, doesn’t mean it’s a foolproof solution in the future. 

Harvard conducted a widely cited study on this very phenomenon several years ago. And in the paper’s final conclusions, the psychologists reported the following:

Sometimes bad things happen when good people are unlucky, and sometimes scoundrels get away clean. Ultimately, judging decisions based on their outcomes will wind up condemning too many unlucky people and acquitting too many scoundrels. 

It’s finally time to get go. Lose the stuff that helped once, but isn’t helping anymore.

LET ME ASK YA THIS...  
Are you afraid to abandon a strategy that you’re in love with, despite its diminishing returns? 
LET ME SUGGEST THIS... 

For the list called, "99 Ways to Think Like an Entrepreneur, Even If You Aren't One," send an email to me, and you win the list for free!

* * * *

Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.  
scott@hellomynameisscott.com
www.nametagscott.com


Never the same speech twice. Customized for your audience. Impossible to walk away uninspired.

Now booking for 2017-2018.

Email to inquire about fees and availability. Watch clips of 


The Nametag Guy in action here!

Sunday, August 13, 2017

Exorcising past ghosts of insecurity

Miller’s book on finding true intimacy reminds us that people clapping for us is a nice thing, but it’s better to have somebody who is more in love with us than impressed by us. 

It’s a beautiful lesson for our most intimate relationships. 

In fact, outside of the bedroom, it’s also applicable to the boardroom. Because the workplace is the other venue where we tend to behave in ways that broadcast our insecurities. 

When I think back to all of the job interviews and pitch meetings and client presentations I’ve made over the years, part of me wishes I could go back and apologize to all of those people. 

Because knowing me, I was probably trying so hard to be needed and likeable and entertaining and impressive, that I failed to leave gaps in which I could just breathe and be present to the needs of the room. 

Wait a minute, why aren’t you more impressed with me? Fuck you for not knowing I’m famous. How dare you not relish in my success. 

Behold, the distracting noises of insecurity. If only we knew that we didn’t have to do all that for people to love us. 

I have a friend whose shrink calls him on the carpet every time he makes a joke during therapy. 

I’m sure you’re very funny, she says, but I’m sure that’s not why you’re here today. 

That’s what we do. We put on a show. Not because we want to, but because we’re hiding behind the performance. Becoming insecure in ways nobody had previously thought possible. 

And so, the healthiest way out of this emotional blind alley is trust. Trusting that we don’t have to do all that for people to love us. Trusting that who we already are is sufficient to get what we want. Trusting that we are good enough and we don’t have to spend our life proving that we are. 

Remember, the only place to seek security is in the shelter of our own resources. 

They provide us with a secure base from which to operate.

LET ME ASK YA THIS...  
How would your relationships looked different if you abandoned altogether your search for applause?
LET ME SUGGEST THIS... 

For the list called, "99 Ways to Think Like an Entrepreneur, Even If You Aren't One," send an email to me, and you win the list for free!

* * * *

Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.  
scott@hellomynameisscott.com
www.nametagscott.com


Never the same speech twice. Customized for your audience. Impossible to walk away uninspired.

Now booking for 2017-2018.

Email to inquire about fees and availability. Watch clips of 


The Nametag Guy in action here!

Saturday, August 12, 2017

Waiting with baited breath to see if everyone is pleased

When I worked in the guest service department at a luxury hotel, we were trained to anticipate and fulfill people’s needs and wishes, both expressed and unexpressed. 

That was the frontline brand. If you went out for a job in the middle of the summer, the doorman would be waiting on the front drive with an ice cold bottle of water and a towel. 

Now that’s service. 

Unfortunately the one skill that human resources failed to cover during orientation was, there’s a fine line between customer attunement and oppressive helpfulness. 

It’s one thing to have your radar on and antenna up, but not at the expense of annoying, offending or even violating a guest. 

I’ll never forget the time I checked in an older couple who were staying at our hotel for the weekend. Eager to please and perform and impress and surprise and delight, I took a quick peek at the surname on the man’s luggage and immediately used it as he got out of the car. 

Oldest bellman trick in the book. 

And of course, the man warmly smiled. 

But when I walked around to the passenger side and used the same last name to greet the woman he was with, she looked at me like I had just stomped on her cat. 

It was definitely not his wife. 

Guess I can forget about the ten spot on that one. 

That’s the danger of being oppressively helpful. Our bottomless desire to be needed, hoping that people see us as impressive, clouds our ability to discern their boundaries. Our pathological need to be useful, waiting with baited breath to see if the crowd is pleased with our work, blunts our better judgment. 

Because we’re not listening, we’re anticipating. We’re not dancing in the now need, we’re performing for approval and applause. 

Customers leave negative reviews about this very experience every day. I stumbled across a consignment store whose customer wrote:

My friend and I were interrupted by the owner four times over the course of three minutes to be given the same information we had already been given about their deal of the day

I also found a hotel whose frustrated guest shared the following experience. 

You take a sip of coffee, they refill the sip of coffee, you use a pat of butter, they replace the pat of butter. It’s a little unnerving, especially because they want to chat while they’re doing it, and continue chatting for about five minutes afterward, resulting in an awkward silence. We’re switching hotels. 

The point is, not every gust requires an extraordinary customer service experience. Sometimes the most helpful thing we can is leave them alone. 

It’s a judgment call on the part of the employee. 

Because there’s a time to surprise and delight, and there’s a time back away and ignore. 

True servants can do both.

LET ME ASK YA THIS...  
How does your oppressive helpfulness manifest?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS... 
For the list called, "99 Ways to Think Like an Entrepreneur, Even If You Aren't One," send an email to me, and you win the list for free!

* * * *

Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.  
scott@hellomynameisscott.com
www.nametagscott.com


Never the same speech twice. Customized for your audience. Impossible to walk away uninspired.

Now booking for 2017-2018.

Email to inquire about fees and availability. Watch clips of 


The Nametag Guy in action here!

Friday, August 11, 2017

It’s time to get more sophisticated about human relationships

If companies want to create atmospheres where customers can feel like complete human beings, people need to be welcomed, not merely tolerated

Because there’s nothing more demoralizing than being treated like an inconvenient interruption. As if the customer's presence was interfering with the receptionist’s ability to do their job.

And yet, it happens every day. Employees treat customers like objects. They get annoyed with our inability to telepathically mind read their bullshit language and rituals. And as a result, we’re made to feel guilty. 

Like when we walk in the door five minutes before closing, or when we use a coupon on the last possible day, or when we return a faulty product, or when we request to stay within a certain budget. 

The cashier stares at us like we have two heads. Like we’ve accidentally mistaken them for someone who cares. 

Friends, the time has come to get more sophisticated about human relationships. The business focus needs to be on truly serving people, instead of merely doing a job for them. 

I spent two years working in guest service at a luxury hotel, and I’m infinitely grateful for that experience. Because it schooled me in compassion. It helped me accept that seriously bad things that happen to everybody, through no fault of their own, and that each customer rests at the nexus of a vast number of interwoven causes and conditions that influence their behavior, most of which are out of their control. 

And so, the last thing people need in that moment is guilt, contempt or condescension. They want care. They want people to say yes to them. They want to be seen and heard and felt. And they want to be treated liked adults. 

That’s sophistication. It’s not complicated, it’s merely calorie intensive.

LET ME ASK YA THIS...  
Are you so wrapped up with your own tasks that you treat customers as obstacles?
LET ME SUGGEST THIS... 

For the list called, "99 Ways to Think Like an Entrepreneur, Even If You Aren't One," send an email to me, and you win the list for free!

* * * *

Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.  
scott@hellomynameisscott.com
www.nametagscott.com


Never the same speech twice. Customized for your audience. Impossible to walk away uninspired.

Now booking for 2017-2018.

Email to inquire about fees and availability. Watch clips of 


The Nametag Guy in action here!

Thursday, August 10, 2017

Head Up, Heart Higher -- Chapter 03 (2017) Scott Ginsberg Animated Folk Rock Opera

Raise them up
There is a tomorrow that can turn it all around
Active in the graveyard but idle in the gospel
Burning up away now the spires under my soul

Just in time
Just in time

Just in time
The cover up's worse than the crime

Raise them 
Bend down and kiss
Your sleeping self awake
Got a lot of stars but I'd like a supernova
Cops clear out the bars so we drive it like we stole it

Keep a jealous eye
over yourself
Believe in the bright lights
As they begin to swell



Watch the whole movie here.

* * * *

Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.  
scott@hellomynameisscott.com
www.nametagscott.com


Never the same speech twice. Customized for your audience. Impossible to walk away uninspired.

Now booking for 2017-2018.

Email to inquire about fees and availability. Watch clips of 


The Nametag Guy in action here!

Tuesday, August 08, 2017

If you’re hard to classify, we can't count on you to repeat yourself

I’ve applied for thousands of jobs in hundreds of different industries, and there isn’t a single organization that isn’t claiming to be looking for a:

Risk taking, entrepreneurial minded, independent thinking, passionately curious, highly creative change agent to challenge the status quo and disrupt the industry forever. 

Of course, the first moment an unconventional resume lands on the human resources desk, all of that posturing goes out the window. 

Because the ultimate goal of the organization is to subjugate people’s creativity and drive employees to be transactional. The individual is the instrument, not the purpose. 

Companies aren’t in the business of helping people manifest their deepest potential. They don’t actually want anything new or different. And it’s certainly not in their best interest to encourage innovation. 

Parkinson’s provocative article about the paradox of business strategy said it best:

Companies know they have to deal with innovation, but they don’t actually want to encourage it. What they value is managed evolution. Homeostasis with incremental change for the better. 

And so, job applications are just one of the many examples of companies paying lip service to the idea of creativity, while secretly wanting employees to show up, shut up and do their jobs. 

I have a friend who used to work for a major record label. And their policy for signing new artists was:

You better know your genre, because if you’re hard to classify, we can’t count on you to repeat yourself. 

It’s a perfect microcosm for how modern business works. 

Which isn’t to say you should give up on your passion for innovative ideas. 

But don’t knock yourself out trying to let the organization know about it. 

LET ME ASK YA THIS...  
Is your position as a creative visionary working to your disadvantage? 
LET ME SUGGEST THIS... 

For the list called, "99 Ways to Think Like an Entrepreneur, Even If You Aren't One," send an email to me, and you win the list for free!

* * * *

Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.  
scott@hellomynameisscott.com
www.nametagscott.com


Never the same speech twice. Customized for your audience. Impossible to walk away uninspired.

Now booking for 2017-2018.

Email to inquire about fees and availability. Watch clips of 


The Nametag Guy in action here!

Monday, August 07, 2017

Interfering from the unfolding of life

From an etymological position, the word neurosis derives from the words that mean abnormal condition of the neurons. 

From a clinical standpoint, the word neurosis is defined as a relatively mild mental illness involving irrational stress, anxiety, obsessive behavior. 

But it’s the existential point of view that resonates with me most, which suggests that neuroses are nothing more than our anxious attempts to prevent life from happening. 

The blocking of the forward momentum of action. Our stubborn insistences on controlling the future, even when there is zero hope of altering reality. 

After all, the human brain is an anticipation machine. How dare things not work out according to our shortsighted, misguided plan? 

But before we shake our hands to the sky and proclaim that the natural laws of the world do not apply to us, we might consider the wisdom of history’s great thinkers. 

Buckminster said that nature has its own tempo and flow of which we are only a small part. 

Graves said that nature does not depend on us because we are not the only experiment. 

Hendricks said that nature is engaged in an infinite process of creation. 

Kelly said that the rose blooms without our approval and dies without our consent. 

Dostoyevsky said that nature doesn’t ask our advice, and she isn’t interested in our preferences or whether or not we approve of her laws, and so, we must accept nature as she is with all the consequences that she implies. 

And so, if we are to keep neurosis at bay, we need more skills for coping with what we cannot change. 

Seligman’s research on human flourishing suggests that the knowledge of the difference between what we can change and what we must accept in ourselves is the beginning of real change. 

And he encourages patients to ask themselves the following cognitive reframing question to help deepen that knowledge:

Is what you are anxious about out of proportion to the reality of the danger you fear? 

If you’re wired like me, and your racing brain interferes with your ability to maintain calmness, this tool is a simple and effective way to interrupt the avalanche of neuroses and take change of your own thoughts. 

It helps you stay present to life with its full range of safety and danger and its full potential for good an evil. 

LET ME ASK YA THIS...  
Are you ready for the grief of relinquishing a romantic fantasy in the face of a disenchanting reality? 
LET ME SUGGEST THIS... 

For the list called, "99 Ways to Think Like an Entrepreneur, Even If You Aren't One," send an email to me, and you win the list for free!

* * * *

Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.  
scott@hellomynameisscott.com
www.nametagscott.com


Never the same speech twice. Customized for your audience. Impossible to walk away uninspired.

Now booking for 2017-2018.

Email to inquire about fees and availability. Watch clips of 


The Nametag Guy in action here!