Some people are addicted to being rescued.
Their drug of choice is the euphoric experience of being dragged out of the tempest, thrown into the lifeboat and saved from certain danger.
The irony, of course, is that they never make it to shore. They always end up back in the water. Because deep down, they don’t really want to be saved.
That would mean they’d actually have to change. And take responsibility. And surrender their victim position.
No thanks. That’s too much work.
It’s the same theory behind books and apps and coaching programs about productivity. People often buy them, but they rarely use them. Why would they? Becoming productive would only get them that much closer to having to actually do something.
I have a friend who volunteers as a sponsor for alcoholics in the twelve step program. He often gets phone calls, sometimes very late at night, from people in recovery who have a difficult time changing.
But he often won’t say a word. His job isn’t to rescue people, his job is to listen to them. In fact, he has a great mantra that I try to practice with my own coaching clients.
Sometimes you can’t get people to listen to you until you stop talking.
And so, if there’s a person in your life for whom you’re tired of being an unpaid, part time therapist, set the boundary of silence. Try not rescuing them and see what happens.
Maybe they’ll change on their own clock.
Remember, you can’t take people where they don’t want to go.
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Whom are you trying to rescue that doesn’t want to be saved?
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That Guy with the Nametag
Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.
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