Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Swallowed up by meaninglessness

My biggest competitor is apathy. 

That’s what cripples my earning capacity most frequently. That suffocating feeling of insignificance. That paralyzing dread that nobody is going to notice my work anyway. Ugh

And typically, it shows up just moments before I publish something new. I silently ask myself, hang on, does the world really need me to do this? Do I honestly need to add another layer to the slagheap of bullshit? 

That’s apathy. And I’m not proud of these feelings. They’re cynical and disheartening and I know they don’t look good on me. But I also know that all feelings have a beginning, a middle and an end. That they’re worth sitting with, if only to arrive at something better. 

That’s the benefit of apathy. Some people use it as an easy way to talk themselves out of creating something new, but some people use it as a filter for making their art better. Apathy, when channeled meaningfully, actually allows you to become your own devil’s advocate, call bullshit on yourself, stay accountable to yourself, develop a radically honest relationship with yourself and ultimately get the best work out of yourself. 

When I began distributing my concert documentary, the feeling of apathy showed up right on schedule. But instead of allowing myself to become paralyzed by the threat of insignificance, I followed my apathetic vibe to see where it might take me. And to my surprise, that feeling became a positive form of checks and balances that regulated my creative system. Because it created positive tension. It forced me to defend the value of my work to myself. Apathy kept me on my toes. And for that, I’m grateful. 

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* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
Author. Speaker. Strategist. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter. 
scott@hellomynameisscott.com
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