Wednesday, January 29, 2014

What Calls Out is the State of the Heart

When I have a headache, I take aspirin.

Thirty minutes later, the pain usually goes away.

But when my mind starts going to dark places, conjuring up horrible thoughts that are far too ugly and desperate and destructive to be okay with me, I snap out of myself like a werewolf turning back into a man and wonder, jesus christ, did I really just think that?

Yes, yes I did.

In these moments, I try to suspend judgment. I try to have compassion for the bewildering mental lows I am capable of. And I try to tolerate and survive my difficult thoughts, as opposed quarantining them out of existence.

It’s okay.

Whatever happens solely inside my mind is not cause for moral alarm.

These thoughts don’t make me a bad person, they just make me a person.