Friday, February 15, 2008

Approachable Managers: Lay a Foundation of Affirmation

5:40 AM , , , , , , , 3 comments

Because acknowledgment is a universal human need, listening is (initially) about AFFIRMATION.

Making people feel valued, validated and important.

See, human beings shape their self-image based on how they are responded to by others.

For example:

o If someone grew up hearing messages like, “I don’t wanna hear it right now!” and “Stop asking so many questions!”

...it’s likely that she would develop a reticence when approaching people in the future.

o On other hand, if comments like, “Tell me more!” and “That’s a great question!” were ingrained into someone’s mind...

...his future level of approachability would be dramatically different.

For that reason, your (potential) influence as the listener is powerful.

So, you MUST take the opportunity to lay a foundation of affirmation. That way your employees will authentically open up to you.

AND REMEMBER: Even if you don’t care FOR, approve OF or agree WITH someone’s ideas, when they approach YOU in need of a bended ear, you job is to let them know thahttp://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gift you heard them.

Here’s a quick list of 8 Phrases That Payses to help affirm your speaker:

1. You’re raising an important issue.
2. Great question!
3. I’m really glad you brought that up.
4. When you said (x), that triggered the following thought for me…
5. I’m SO glad you asked that question.
6. Interesting point.
7. That is one option we will need to look at.
8. I was hoping you’d ask that question!

(If you need more, you could always consult your friendly affirmation ball.)

Verbiage like this is positive, approachable and affirming. And the best part is, it advances the conversation into a mutually shared space in which people feel safe to open up to you.

And THAT enables you to learn what's going on with your employees, uncover problems and suggest solutions.

SO REMEMBER: Growing bigger ears is (first) about laying a foundation of affirmation.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
How do you affirm your employees and team members?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
Share your three best Phrases That Payses here!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
scott@hellomynameisscott.com

Want your employees to open up to you?
Tune in to The Entrepreneur Channel on NametagTV.com!

Watch video lessons on growing bigger ears!

3 comments:

Oh, pain! Most of work life, my bosses have been super UN-approachable! Yet, my conclusion is that there is a logical reason for this: For many bosses, it actually is more profitable and functional to be an UN-approachable boss. Why? Because UN-approachability gives the boss the upper hand. It gives him or her more power. It makes him or her time seem much more valuable. For many bosses, keeping control of "the mob" of workers is the number one challenge. Thus, for many bosses, instilling FEAR in the workers is THE most important thing. I think this all applies mostly to poorly paid blue collar and office workers. If these workers are not kept in a state of constant FEAR, they will not be productive. And part of keeping them in fear is for the boss to be highly UN-approachable. Also, many bosses find that they sometimes need to mislead and hoodwink their own workers. If workers really understood all the B.S. (sometimes including illegal and unethical behavior) that their bosses are involved in, there world be a rebellion! (Some bosses might even get arrested.) So it is a lot easier and safer for the boss if he is un-approachable. But, oh, this all seems like H*ll, doesn't it? Yes! This is why so many people say, "I hate my job!" But there is no solution to all this, except for maybe changes in the law that will enable labor unions to proliferate and grow stronger (But that will probably never happen). Given the way things are, most bosses are actually wise to be UN-approachable, since they must keep "the mob" afraid, just as slave masters in the Old South had to use fear to make their slaves productive. (Picking all that cotton was no fun!) All this does not apply to what Dr. Richard Florida calls "the Creative Class." (See The Rise of the Creative Class.) People in the Creative Class are writers, producers, artists, designers, programmers, architects, lawyers, engineers, and so forth. These people love their work, and would do it even if they had no boss. These "Creative Class" people DO need, expect and demand an approachable boss. But for the warehouse workers, the fast food workers, the security guards, the truck drivers, and so on (all the people who are doing work that is inherently unpleasant), the un-approachable boss is necessary. Alas, I wish it were no so! My sociology professor said that there are three more or less permanent classes in society: The Owners, the Managers, and the Workers. The Workers are at the bottom of the Hierarchy, and they gotta eat dirt most of time! Oh, lamentation! It ain't fair--but that's life!

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Hi, Scott!

Your post reminded me of some of the teaching tips I've learned as a Karate instructor. At our school we focus on being a good-finder. This is especially important with the kids, but has application with adults as well. While there aren't any specific phrases some of the techniques include:

1. Be specific and give reasons. "Great job!" is nice, but more effective is "I like what I'm hearing, Tom. I particularly appreciate how you took into account the complexities caused by merging the two corporate cultures" (or whatever).

2. Exhibit surprise. In the Karate case it would be "I never knew you could kick that high!" When affirming someone it might sound something like: "Huh! I never thought of it like that before."

3. Above all else, tonality and body language. The words you say have almost no meaning without the tonality with which you deliver them. The same words which can uplift and affirm could just as easily humiliate and patronize. It's all in how you communicate.

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